Presidential Profile – GOB Bluth

Birth – Orange County, CA – 1965

Slogan – A Presidential candidate that won’t rape and kill you!

Party – Magician’s Alliance GOB Love America Party

Religion – Very interested in the Holy Trinity

Running MateMichael Bluth George Bluth Sr. – Decades of experience as a successful Real Estate CEO – Currently a fugitive for acts of light Treason

Major Policies Foreign Affairs – As many as possible

The Economy – Will have total control of the Government checkbook.  Will always ask other nations about their return policy.

Law Enforcement – A hot cop on every street corner, very lenient drug and petty theft enforcement

Illegal Immigrants – Simple: We don’t let the prudes in!

Abortion – No one can prove anything!

Defense – When you join Army without getting punched, you’ll have more fun

Taxes – Isn’t that what poor people are for?

Pros

-Little tricks are a big hit among very young voters and the elderly

-Didn’t completely run the Bluth Corporation into the ground as President, probably won’t run the country into the ground either!

Campaign Manager Assistant Campaign Manager Michael Bluth: savy, has no problem with his brother running instead of him, dead wife sympathy story, single father

-Has no children that he knows of…probably

-Proved he’s an idea man with “Fuck Mountain”

-Segway shows the American people that he is fully in touch with the 21st century

-Has seen the Iraqi security force’s effectiveness first hand

-Campaign spokesman Franklin willing to say things that Whitey and African-Americany aren’t ready to hear

-Can really pull off a $5000 suit, and lets everyone know it

-Could charm the black off a telegram boy

Cons

-Still cannot remember his wife’s name, even after a long divorce hearing

-Consistently places Portugal as “down Ol’ South America way”.

-Appearances in the “Girls with Low Self-Esteem” video series are both politically and personally embarrasing

-Has a habit of stealing supporters watches, wallets, cars, and anything else that he can get his hands on

-Not afraid to make mistakes…a lot of mistakes

-Many see his candidacy as a ruse to get his father’s crimes pardoned, and they would probably be right

-Sleeps with every female reporter or intern he can get his hands on, and not in a charming JFK way

-His chicken dance enfuriates the crucial Hispanic demographic

-Fired his whole staff to teach them a lesson

-Heard the jury was still out on “Science”

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5 Comments on “Presidential Profile – GOB Bluth”

  1. brilliant, old friend. just fucking brilliant.

  2. Gob says:

    It’s illusions, but thanks for the endorsement. I’ll send you a $6300 suit.


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