Presidential Profiles – DarkseidPosted: September 30, 2008
Birth – the Planet Apokolips
Slogan – I have taken way their confusion and replaced it with obedience. I have taken away their fear of themselves and given them a fear of Darkseid. I have liberated them from the chaos of indecision. I have given them one straight path! One purpose! One goal: TO DIE FOR DARKSEID!
Party – Despotic Ruler – baw…no need for parties.
Religion – Given Darkseid’s total narcissi m and devotion to himself and his own desires, along with his seeming disregard for any value system or body of ethics, it may be debatable whether anything that Darkseid believes in or is motivated by should be called a “religion,” at least in the general positive sense of the word. In other words, ‘There is only Darkseid.’
Running Mate – Granny Goodness. Proponent of Torture. Military experience with elite group of ‘Female Furies.’ Runs orphanage which may play well to the Left. Some grumblings on the right consider Granny Goodness a man in drag – in fact some claim it may be Ed Asner.
Foreign Affairs – let the universe howl in despair, for Darkseid is here. All will bow in submission
The Economy – based on slavery. Technologically advanced. Apokoliptian technology is furthermore the source of unparalleled misery in the universe as the planet routinely arms evil groups with advanced technology in order to further its influence (and misery) across the universe.
Taxes – Your own sense of non value and continued submission is all Darkseid requires, maggots.
Illegal Immigrants – Due to aggression from Apokolips, they have seen an influx of kidnapped citizens to join their slave ranks. This policy will not change.
Abortion – Only as Darkseid wills it.
Defense – The skies will rain fire, the oceans will boil, the streets will run red with the blood of billions. Only then, after your last pitiful hope is extinguished, will I end your enemies lives.
Everyone is equal – Everyone is a maggot.
Advocates torture of enemies.
Giving up only son all for the sake of peace seen as a selfless act.
Vast military experience.
Controls the Omega Effect.
Will cut government programs all for the Glory of Darkseid.
Able to use boom tube technology to eliminate America’s Trash Problems.
Also, able to use boom tube technology to eliminate the nation’s overcrowded prison systems
Cares little for criticism.
Constant need of fire pits on planet, helps perpetuate Global Warming.
Constant need for slaves.
Advocates torture for own citizens.
Female VP candidate adds diversity to the ticket.
There are no Cons for the glory of Darkseid. Obey.