Presidential Profiles – GalactusPosted: September 25, 2008
Birth – the Planet Taa – Long before our puny universe thrust itself into existence
Slogan – Of what import are brief, nameless lives… to Galactus?
Party – Independent God
Religion – Predates the concept of a diety, believes Eternity to be his father
Running Mate – Norin Radd, the Silver Surfer – Could see the Shiar Empire from his home planet. Tendency to fly around apparently naked disturbs some voters.
Major Policies – Foreign Affairs – All petty disputes between nations will cease to be a concern when Galactus assumes control
The Economy – Galactus will ensure that all economies reach an equilibrium of nothing
Taxes – Following one payment of one Earth, Galactus will require no further taxes ever
Illegal Immigrants – Galactus promises that no nation under his leadership will ever have to deal with any immigrants
Abortion – Ahahahahahaha!!! You will wish it had been so!
Defense – Though it matters little, the less the better
The Super Hero Registration Act – RICHARRRRDDDSSS!!!
Tallest Candidate by far
Assurances of no inequality between inhabitants a big plus
Time being tortured and used as a battery by Negative Zone forces plays well with veterans
Aeons of existance and immortality has led to much experience
Power Cosmic and host of Heralds eliminates need for Secret Service
Elimination of world government, law and populace goes over exceedingly well with anarchists, libertarians and cultists
Promises to eliminate the money hog NASA, as he has traversed the whole of existance himself
Capable of utilizing science far beyond the understanding of Earth’s greatest minds
Too intimidating to be flummoxed by even the most aggressive interviewer
Would be oldest president by unfathomable period of time
Difficult to find cameras capable of capturing his efforts at photo ops
Raises some concerns about disinterest in the average American
Refuses to go into specifics about plans for the nation outside of stomach rumblings
Candidate von Doom may act as a spoiler, stealing many of the “RICHARRRDDDS!!” voters, a key demographic
Appears very nervous during questions about his stance on the Universal Nullifyer
Pink and Purple outfit and naked surfer running mate lead many to believe he is gay
Attempts to kiss babies and shake hands have proved disasterous and deadly
Shows a tendency to alienate those closest to him
Hunger may be a negative influence on an already obese America