Presidential Profiles – Galactus

Birth – the Planet Taa – Long before our puny universe thrust itself into existence

Slogan – Of what import are brief, nameless lives… to Galactus?

Party – Independent God

Religion – Predates the concept of a diety, believes Eternity to be his father

Running Mate РNorin Radd, the Silver Surfer РCould see the Shiar Empire from his home planet.  Tendency to fly around apparently naked disturbs some voters.

Major Policies Foreign Affairs – All petty disputes between nations will cease to be a concern when Galactus assumes control

The Economy – Galactus will ensure that all economies reach an equilibrium of nothing

Taxes – Following one payment of one Earth, Galactus will require no further taxes ever

Illegal Immigrants – Galactus promises that no nation under his leadership will ever have to deal with any immigrants

Abortion – Ahahahahahaha!!! You will wish it had been so!

Defense – Though it matters little, the less the better

The Super Hero Registration Act – RICHARRRRDDDSSS!!!


Tallest Candidate by far

Assurances of no inequality between inhabitants a big plus

Time being tortured and used as a battery by Negative Zone forces plays well with veterans

Aeons of existance and immortality has led to much experience

Power Cosmic and host of Heralds eliminates need for Secret Service

Elimination of world government, law and populace goes over exceedingly well with anarchists, libertarians and cultists

Promises to eliminate the money hog NASA, as he has traversed the whole of existance himself

Capable of utilizing science far beyond the understanding of Earth’s greatest minds

Too intimidating to be flummoxed by even the most aggressive interviewer


Would be oldest president by unfathomable period of time

Difficult to find cameras capable of capturing his efforts at photo ops

Raises some concerns about disinterest in the average American

Refuses to go into specifics about plans for the nation outside of stomach rumblings

Candidate von Doom may act as a spoiler, stealing many of the “RICHARRRDDDS!!” voters, a key demographic

Appears very nervous during questions about his stance on the Universal Nullifyer

Pink and Purple outfit and naked surfer running mate lead many to believe he is gay

Attempts to kiss babies and shake hands have proved disasterous and deadly

Shows a tendency to alienate those closest to him

Hunger may be a negative influence on an already obese America


2 Comments on “Presidential Profiles – Galactus”

  1. brilliant. goddamn it, pl. you make the rest of us (read: me) look so fucking bad.

  2. Tito says:

    But what of his foreign policy experience? How many countries can he see from his home state?

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